The following post is an excerpt from Hope to Win the War, by Jacob Way.

One of the most frustrating things about fighting the war against porn, is when you fail back into relapse. Relapse is destructive for many reasons. Relapse kills all the momentum you built. It demoralizes you and brings back terrible memories of addiction. Most devastating of all is that it triggers an identity crisis. You used to feel confident in who you were. You used to have a handle on sin. Now you aren’t sure.

Who are you? Who is the real you? Are you a recovering porn addict who has relapsed or a porn addict who has only momentarily been sober? Which is the real you? The victories, or the relapse? Are you mostly a sinner who is sometimes a saint? Or are you a saint who sometimes sins? Which are you?

To answer these questions, we must turn to God’s Word. The first truth we need to hold on to is the nature of our identity after we have come to Christ. Becoming a Christian is not just an identity we claim or a descriptor we give to other people—it is a fundamental transformation of who we are.  

I cannot overstate the importance of this reality. Remember the words of Christ to Nicodemus: “No one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.” (John 3:3) We don’t enter the kingdom through a mystical ceremony or a change of lifestyle, but by being born again by the Holy Spirit. Our heart of stone is taken away, and we are given a heart of flesh. It is even more than a new heart. We must be made into a new creation. In Romans 6:6, Paul described how our new life begins with our death. When Jesus died on the cross, we died with Him. “For we know that our old self was crucified with him.” This was done “so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.” (Romans 6:7)

The old you is dead. The you ruled by sin is dead. It was crucified with Christ and was buried in the tomb. As Paul says to the Corinthian Christians, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

When relapse happens, we shouldn’t be afraid that we are becoming our old selves again because our old selves are dead. It is not you. Sin no longer defines you, Jesus does. You are a redeemed child of the King. You still sin, but you are a saint. You have been completely forgiven and have Christ’s righteousness. You are holy because He is holy. The Christian life is about becoming who you already are. The old you doesn’t exist anymore. You aren’t a better version of yourself, but someone new altogether. This is not a metaphor or an allegory. It is as real as the empty tomb, proving Jesus has completely defeated sin. The reality of your new identity should change your life and how you live. You are a new creation, no longer a slave to sin. Sin has literally lost its control over your life. It is no longer your master. Your very nature is completely replaced. You were reborn as a free man or woman. You are new. People who are alive don’t live in tombs! Jesus buried that old you, so stop living in the grave. Live like you are alive because you are.